The recent Kamras had me thinking of how my life has been for the past years. 2013 had me considered a lot of things (read Quarter Life Crisis). Made me a jobless for almost a year. Jumped from one job to another like a piece of cake. Considered going to a corporate job to finally put my diploma to use. Day by day, I had to endure the excruciating pain that I exerted to my tiny brain of how to put myself and my plan in a flawlessly manicured to do list of my goals for the next 5 to 10 years.
As I gathered myself every 10-20 steps while feeling like heaven to the humble Apo, I immediately face the space right above the fog and the clouds to shout, Yes I did it! Or God Salamat kaayo! Or Mama, wait and see! Instead I’ve only managed to explode the “Hooooooooooy!” as if my burden all came out in one blow. My buddies were shocked. Hey, this is a democratic country so mind your own business. Pffft!
Im not sure if everybody had to pass in this stage of life (but then I Googled and it said I wasn’t the first) that you need to at least level up your current state (whether it’s career, love life, or your life as a whole) or you’re feeling like you’re living in a limbo doing things that are handed down the floor and all you have to do is to pick it up and do the same thing again and again. Believe me, it was too hard. Too hard to choose the life I wanted and leave everything behind, the comfort, routine, the easy peasy jobs that I am good at. The hardest part was for me to accept that Im a grown up: need to think and act like one and have to make choices for myself like choosing an ice cream flavour between my all-time favourite super chocolate and vanilla.
While I busied myself for the whole year of ayta ma, ayta pa and/or having to curl up in bed to avoid the eagerness to travel, to escape from reality, I did manage to come up with a brilliant idea. That, the sole way of solving the problem is to face it with an open mind, period. I have been running around for years climbing and travelling as I seek distant places as if the answers were there. Having to realize that I have been carrying the answers all along. All I have to do is to gather everything right and choose the path I am best at and crack that nutshell I covered to myself all the years. And voila!
Having to climb up those big and hard boulders and those loose and lifeless pieces of rocks, I realized even the hardest mask can be easily cracked and even the farthest rock can easily be reached. If someone yearns for it, the universe will conspires in making you achieve your goal. Even when I tried looking the boulders upfront, seems like it was only few minutes to the top but in reality, it was multiple folds farther and I need to take my rest, catch my breath in between and hydrate my body even there was only few drops til the bottle’s empty.
I just had to carefully choose which way to go. If I fail, it’s a lesson learned, if I succeed, I’ll be one step nearer to stardom. Resting in between the treks is imperative, however, resting more than enough is deadly. In life, consistency and perseverance is very important. Being in the momentum takes us to our journey in line. I don’t mind sleeping in the trail for a few minutes, but having to experience the pain in my legs back in the cold forest was too much that I couldn’t put to words. I was feeling like I have to crawl all the way to the bottom of the mountain like Sadako. How about my bag? Little by little, I only wanted to keep myself away from the questioning eyes of my buddies that I know were also worried but at the back of my mind it was like, no Im not a burden. Pride? Hell no! I had to lift myself and my bag with my bare hands and small arm muscles with the help of my bum every time there is a way down. Believe me I am as helpless as the PWD every time I remember the difficulty in lifting myself up when I pee. Disabled or not, everyone needs to work their arse off and live the life they wanted. It is not how society look at you but how YOU look at yourself.
For this year, I held my head high ready to embrace the things in store for me. At the same time, this is the year for me to step out of my nutshell and take that leap I have been waiting for.
Thank you 2013 for a fruitful year. I haven’t travelled to places as much 2012 had given me, but I have travelled the farthest in my life and in my soul. This year, I’ll do better and I’ll make it the best.
How about you? How’s your 2013 looks like? May we blessed with a fruitful year ahead of us! Happy 2014!