Sat in a guest house in Ho Chi Minh, I came to look back how the flight went well despite of having a bad weather, cancellations and delayed flights due to #PapalVisit. I reminisced the sleepless nights for the last couple of weeks of arranging accommodations, papers, itinerary, and checking myself if I should really push to backpack South East Asia. I was restless, excited, nervous, and anxious all at the same time. After a couple of weeks I will be traveling alone. Alone to the foreign land with zero knowledge of the language, no friends to accompany, no buddy to talk to.
I started wondering how long term backpackers did it – for traveling for a few weeks, months, and probably years. I came down to assess myself, should I really do this? Would this be worth it? Can I do it? Would I survive?
The last couple of years was a crazy ride. Let’s call it Quarter-Life-Crisis. Im no longer in the quarter life but the feeling felts the same. I don’t know where to start, how to start and what to start. How to move forward and which path to choose. I was stuck, stuck in the unknown. I felt everyone has a purpose, chasing their dreams while I was lost in somewhere I can’t comprehend.
Traveling, for some is a way of treating yourself for a holiday, from a day’s work. For me, this is an adventure – adventure to immerse myself to the complexity of the world, to the vague purpose of life, to deepen my connection to society and to nourish my soul. I’m not aware what possibilities, dangers, and hardships that might happen. But I know good things will bound to fall right in their own place at the right time at the right place. I just have to believe in myself.
“What have you been longing for?
What do you do on your spare time?
What are you dreaming to become?
Grab it and Dont Let it go ”.
Today, 7 days after, in a dorm room in Bangkok, felt like I was meant to be here at this time at this moment. I accepted all the great things happened the past week and let the future handles itself. I walked down at the alleys of Khao San Road known to be the backpacker’s area. I see countless of people from different races. There were street foods, stalls, pubs, and vendors. I see them in an array of motions like they were moving in a routine familiar to them. It was all in a slow motion.
I am now in a foreign land eating foreign food hearing foreign language but all were so familiar — the aroma, the chaos. It was just like an ordinary day. Today, I checked myself. I was in peace. It didn’t felt so different and restlessness is no longer in my system.
In two days I will be on my own. I don’t have a plan. All I just need is a destination, a goal, and an attitude. I will be okay. I know I will.